Saturday, 31 August 2013

Beloved readers, do live somewhere remote? Do you live in a remote part of The British Isles? Do you live on a remote island? Have you lost your remote? Then why not contact The Bugle remote retrieval service. Over the last 25 years we have stockpiled every remote known to mankind, and  if we haven't got it then it doesn't exist. The Bognor Bugle Remote Retrieval service, if you're remotely interested call us on the Bugle hotline, now!!
Thank you very much indeed.

Friday, 30 August 2013

Spin the Wheel of Fortune!

 Spin, spin spin the wheel of fortune and win exciting prizes in the new Bugle competition. Simply guess the correct number and one of these garden related gifts could be winging it's way to you.
 Two partly used fence panels..
 A tiny apple tree laden with tiny apples.
 A garden swing for wildlife e.g. Squirrels, foxes, badgers, baboons etc..
 A winter haven for small creatures or the start of a splendid autumnal bonfire. (Please make sure that you haven't introduced tiny creatures to it before you ignite the fire).
And lastly a pensioner's entire winter fuel supply kindly donated by Mrs Elsie Colon of Gravesend. Get knitting Mrs Colon!
Thank you ever so much.

Thursday, 29 August 2013

Are you feeling unwell at the moment beloved readers, slightly below par but can't quite put your finger on what the exact problem is? Then why not invest in The Bugle Anatomical Home Diagnostic kit. Each vital organ is removable so you can accurately pinpoint the problem, allowing you to go to the chemist for the appropriate medication or make an appointment to see your GP,or even book yourself into the nearest hospital or hospice depending on the severity of the complaint. The Bugle Anatomical Home Diagnostic kit, every home should have one. P.O.A.
Thank you very much indeed.

Monday, 26 August 2013

 Beloved readers, before we get the ball rolling today, we'd just like to thanks Mrs C Worthy of  Penzance for a handy tip when using our hat stand for drying dinner plates, she suggests Gaffer taping them to the stand after they've been rinsed to avoid any nasty accidents, a splendid idea indeed Mrs Worthy!
 Today as you are fully aware beloved readers is a bank holiday, the last bank holiday before the festive season and traditionally it's the time of year when crowds of halfwits from the city descend upon Bugleland in their flash German convertibles or hideous 4x4's towing jet ski's and then proceed to scare the life out of every decent person on the beach. Well this year dear friends may we suggest a few pleasant alternatives..
 Why not have a stroll and look at some old buildings.
 Buy some smart new shoes.
 Have a cigarette.
 Lay in a field and stare at the sky.
Or even do as this delightful cat has done, stay in bed.
Thank you so much.

Sunday, 25 August 2013

 Beloved readers, how are you all, are you keeping well? Yes we're back and it's lovely to see you. Just recently we had an enquiry from two devout readers (who shall remain anonymous) as to why we had been absent for so long,we apologise and all we can say is that after several millions of pounds donated by private investors we are back and better and stronger than ever.
Let's get the ball rolling with some recent finds starting above with this incredibly rare modernist plywood table.
 A large anglepoise lamp illuminating the word Noel.
 A case which once possibly contained garments belonging to the Girl Guides or perhaps even the remains of an actual Girl Guide.
 A hat stand for hats. This could have a million and one uses, for example..If you've had twenty people around for morning coffee and biscuits and you can't be bothered to dry the mugs, simply rinse each one under the tap and hang them on the stand to dry. Alternatively if you've had twenty people around for afternoon tea and cake, put the saucers back in the china cabinet, rinse the cups and hang them on the stand to dry. (Make sure that the cake is served on paper plates as these can be simply placed in the rubbish bin or thrown out of the car window on your way to the office).
A late 50's picture depicting a march in London by the British communist party, and look there's Noel again!
A highly polished sphere, why not purchase this and impress your dinner guests when you tell them it's a recent work by Anish Kapoor. Can't be bothered to dry the dishes after the party?....
A very old Dettol tin on a very old stepladder.
And here's a close up of the tin, we're rather fond of the sword.
That's yer lot, bugger off!!
Thank you.