Beloved readers, if you switch on the idiot box as we sometimes do you'll notice how all the celebrity chefs are telling us to eat well. Fresh fruit and veg, lean meat and buy organic if you can afford it.
On the other hand we've noticed there's also a campaign by the takeaway mob encouraging us to throw away our saucepans and buy this crap.
So before you resign your Le Creuset pan and vegetable peeler to the recycling bin, consider what's available to you.
If it's only a small cardiac arrest you'd like to experience, then perhaps you should consider option one.
Those who seek a more severe cardiac arrest, then perhaps option two.
And for those who would perhaps like to experience a stroke along with their cardiac arrest, then option three is for you.
And here's something no one can resist!
This rant was bought to you by The Bognor Bugle.
Thank you very much indeed. Now switch of the life support system please.